Restlessness

It's been too long. Can't stand all this staying at home and not accomplishing anything feeling. I need to get back on my feet and start doing something useful. God, please help me!

Doggone it

1st edit, 30th April
2nd edit, 8th May
3rd edit, 15th May
4th edit, 30th May

29th April or 1st May: Pushed forward to next week
Poster presentation on my final year project. (Also means that the report has to be more or less finished by then)

30th April:
Due date for the Industrial Microbiology assignment and the Molecular Biology II critical paper review. DONE

11th May:
Final year exam starts. 1st paper

7th May: Pushed forward to 14th May
Due date for my final year project report.

15th May: Pushed forward to 29th May
Due date for Bioinformatics assignment (This was released to us just yesterday! Imagine that! -cries-)

20th May:
2nd exam paper

27th May:
3rd paper

4th June:
4th paper (also known as the killer paper)


So, tell me. Am I dead or am I DEAD?? :(

Gonna disappear for a bit. Will be back after everything's over. If I survive of course. *Sigh* Someone just kill me?

Insane Ramblings

RAWRRRRR!!

Just felt like being random all of a sudden. Lol. It's 3am in the morn over here so please forgive the insanity.

Have been feeling a bit moody and uneasy these few days. And damn confused. Very, as some of you might know. Ich denke ich mag dich. Warum? Wie? (courtesy of pz lol) Ich bin gestresst. So yeah, another pointless post. Back to my *#!~$/ critical review due later today. Somebody save me! :'(


On another note, CONGRATS BLAMMER! XD

Little Miss Procrastinator

Scoob has this friend and my gosh, what a procrastinator she is! 4 freaking assignments and none down. Thus far, she has done everything but. Lazing, partying, chor tai ti-ing, facebooking, fan fictioning, blogging even. Just name it, she's probably done it. Amazing ain't it, how everything poses as such a distraction?

Only a few days ago, she discovered this movie called Drifting Flowers and spent the whole day obsessing after watching it. Googled, Yahooed, Limewired, and torrent searched for it's soundtrack to no avail and so decided to load the music from YouTube. Well, once in youtube, why not spend a bit of time watching other amusingly useless videos? Or maybe gush over some hot new talents? By then she'd have probably stumbled upon another exciting movie or drama series to watch and obsess over and the whole process starts again. A rather relaxing cycle I must say. But only if those assignments of hers were out of the way.

I do believe Mendol is her current obsession at the mo. One of its soundtracks, 3 seconds, has been on repeat for the past hour. But that's only because she couldn't find the other soundtracks. Pathetic ain't it?

And so, after wasting another day, desperate, she appealed for help. And help appeared in the form of this blog post. Warning all others about her folly while helping to ease her troubled mind. How that works I have no idea. It just kinda does. Now then, won't someone please shake and slap some sense into her? The more violent the better.

Muchas Gracias!

Pointless ramblings

Restless. So freaking restless.

Fingers are itching, body tensed from pent-up energy, knots happily bouncing about in the stomach. Unease courses through the veins, confusion through the arteries, both meeting at the heart, causing an unexplainable murmur? I think my facts are all wrong. Where are the doctors when you need one? Pharmacists? Biomeds? And biotechs that actually study? Lol.

There's this urge to blog. About what I don't know.

Anything.

Everything.

So many things to be said, so many that can't be said.

It's like treading on thin ice. Gotta becareful of it'll break and you'll fall. Fall into ice cold water. So cold that it first shocks you awake, then as you struggle about, overcomes you, saps your strength away, till relishing the numbness, you slowly surrender.

Confusing? Ought to be. I'm confused after all.

And thus, this absolutely pointless post. Don't mind me. Scoob will be back soon. Hopefully.

Retroviruses acting up

Currently listening to:

It's happening again.

My palms are sweaty, my head gets blurry, and I can't think properly. My senses are on the alert, adrenaline is pumping. I can't stop checking back. Can't stop being so aware of every move made. There's this lump in my throat, tingles down my neck. I can't take it no more. Someone please slap me! Throw cold water on me! Anything to break me out of this ridiculous trance I'm in! Thank God there's no disruption of oxygen or obstruction of blood flow yet. Nor that stupid smile when going in for the kill. Am taking it as a good sign lol. Maybe it hasn't set in yet. I certainly hope so. Life is good the way it is! I don't want any more complications!

And no, it's not denial, WT. At least I hope it's not. Please let it be not. Lol.

Coloured a picture of Shizuru to refocus my thoughts. Not my best efforts as I got a lil' distracted somewhere in between. Drawing is not mine. Dug it out somewhere from my massive collection and coloured with CS2.

Think that life hates you? Read on. And if it's not enough, read Mel's blog

So yeah, disappeared for a bit there. Too much stuff to be dealt with for the past few weeks. Too much of a rollercoaster ride. So many highs and lows, all mercilessly one after another. First came the worrying news from home. Then, pushing it aside, a great Halloween, followed by devastating news from home the very next morning. It left me in shock. I couldn't even call home for fear of breaking down. When I did the next day, they told me she had passed on. Was such a wreck but had to pull myself together as there was an assignment due that week.

RIP, I just want you to know that although I don't show it often nor do I ever say it, I really do love you very much. They told me you left peacefully and for that I'm glad. I know you're in a better place now. No more suffering, only peace and joy. It still pains me that I couldn't be there during your last moments, and that I never really got to say goodbye. Tears still feel inclined to fall whenever I think of you, or even when I see things that remind me of you. In fact, they're falling even as I type this. But I know I have to be strong and move on. That's what you'd want me to do. And I will. I will. It'll take time, but I will.

Things got slightly better form then on. On the eve of my birthday, my friends cooked dinner plus surprised me with a cake. Felt really touched and happy. And so I turned 21.

Then came more wonderful news from home. My sister had been admitted into the hospital for ultraventilation a few days ago, couldn't eat, and was therefore on drip. Mum was exhausted spending every day and night with her, and dad had to play househusband as my bro couldn't help out due to SPM. I was so worried. Bad spell of misfortune? I don't know. Could only pray and surrender everything to Him as all things happen for a reason. I truly believe in that. There has been so many incidences where things have gone horribly wrong for me, and yet, He always showed a way. I've come to realize that in each, there was a lesson learnt, something to make me stronger. To make me a better person. Each time, I'm reminded of His awesome power, mercy and grace. And I know that I'll never be alone as He'll always be there to carry me through hard times...

Anyway, my sister has since been discharged, although still weak and can't eat much. At least she's on her way to recovery and that's all that matters. As for me, passing up the two lab reports that were due that same week was such a relief. Now I finally have some time to breathe and allow myself to focus on the family. And oh, not forgetting little amusements along the way like watching "La Boheme" the musical on Fri, and having a combined birthday dinner with Ranz in Newcastle.


p.s. Winnie! I've received your card! Thank you so much k! :D I opened it in the kitchen, read the first line, and quickly closed back, deciding to read it in the room lol. Me iz loves yous! ;)

My first crush

On Brunch with Bridget this week, Bridget talks to her mum and Lizzie, her first crush (at the age of six!).

This episode got me thinking about my very own first crush. I was nine at the time, and had no idea that it was even a crush. All I knew was that I always looked forward to seeing her each day in school and hanging about with her. It was short lived however as I moved to a different school when I was 11.

And there, I met my second crush. Not that I realized it at first. *rolls eyes* In fact I didn't even realize it till about a year later! And when I did, I found myself facing my first ever rival lol. Ah, all the drama that followed after... I bet none of us would forget them. Especially that one incident involving a book and some site called kaypo corner that got our names called out during assembly, our asses hauled off to the principals' office to be interrogated, and the counseling room after. An incident that we still talk about and laugh off after all this time. Picture on the left is of the three of us back when we were 12. Oii Pz! Suddenly feel jealous again! Hahahahahahaha XD

Come to think of it, perhaps if there had been more exposure, more acceptance, I'd have been less confused and taken more daring steps instead of trying to figure a way to stop those "not-normal-feelings". Perhaps if I'd had a more solid self esteem, none of that would have mattered.

Just felt like ranting a bit lol ^__^""

Stage 2.5 of Scoobiocitis

I'm freaking scared.

Need.to.get.off.all.the.forums.and.[ff.net].
Have.got.to.stop.messing.about.

Focus.scoob.
Go.study.right.now.

Brb in a few weeks time.

Ja~

-scoob-

fuck estrogen and progesterone

fuck M₃ receptors
fuck hyperactive rogue glands
.
.
.
fuck it all
-scoob-

The wandering mind

Why is it that I find myself blogging more often whenever exams are afoot?
Or drawing more, writing more, watching more movies, television series, etc etc...


For all the matter, anything but studying and finishing up my reports.


And it's always,
ALWAYS when there's lots to do.
.
.
.
I seriously need to get my head into the game work.

-scoobz-

Random musings

I have no idea how it's possible to get your heart completely broken one moment and yet feel so utterly happy the next. And all with just a few words. One moment, so extremely miserable that you swear you have to extricate yourself from her so that maybe, just maybe your heart will heal, and yet you can't stay away. No matter how you try, no matter how desperately you want the freakin' roller coaster emotions to stop, there's still something in you that pulls you back. Then just as you harden your resolve, just as you finally manage to take a step away, she says a few words and you feel that something tug at your heart. Or sometimes, an unconscious caring gesture that floods you with such warmth and love, and you fall even deeper, willingly subjecting yourself to more hurt that you know is to come, contenting yourself with staying in the background, only surfacing when you're needed.

Ah well, i guess that's the perils of being so smitten. So fucking smitten...

And i can't decide if that's a good thing or not.

Creative Spark -Part II-

You walk over to me
I can’t help but to stop breathing
I try not to stare
To marvel at your beauty
And your perfect legs

You smile and say hi
My mouth is dry
All I do is stutter something unintelligible
You must think I’m such an idiot

You flood my thoughts every moment of the day
Why can’t I get you out of my mind?

Sitting close to me
You lean in and ask if I’d like to dance
Your arm pressing against mine
Your warm breath tickling my ear
I swallow hard

You put your hands on my shoulders
Your fingers lightly grazing my skin
And start moving to the music
I move along
Entranced by you

My body is trembling
My knees are weak
I can hardly breathe
You have no idea what you’re doing to me

You suddenly look up and smile
My breath catches in my throat
I can’t help but to think how gorgeous you look
It’s all I can do to stop myself from kissing you

What is it you do?
What is it you say?
Why cant I break out?
I don’t wanna love you

And yet,
No matter what i do
No matter how much i try
You’re still all I think about…

Dedicated to the one i'd never have the courage to tell....
-gl-

Exhausting semester

Work work work.... I'm up to my neck with work. Why can't the lecturers be more merciful? It's never-ending i tell you! i'm so exhausted, sleep deprived, brain drained, body drained, and so on....

i just wanna sink into bed and sleep. nice long restful sleep where maybe shizuru will pay me a visit and-d....... no wait. That wouldn't be very restful then would it? after all, your body does react to everything you dream of and having shizuru around would be um... pretty stressful... Lolz... never mind that.

it's back to work for me *sighs* :'(
a

Such injustice!!

Ok.. i've realized that my last few posts centered mostly round anime and i haven't been updating on life so here it is- Life back in 'Hitam-punya-tempat'.
First week was not too bad, a few pleasant n' not-so-pleasant surprises. First off, i failed freaking Java Programming and have to now sit for the supplementary exam which, for the uninitiated, is our last chance before they make us repeat d' whole subject. And to make things worse, that opportunistic lecturer of ours refused to give us some extra coaching but slyly mentioned that UCSI was paying her RM80 an hour so if we wanted lessons we'd have to pay as well. Ok, fair enough tho' she made us fail in d' 1st place but guess how much she asked for? RM120 per person for a total of 6 hours ! Still not bad enough? She then said that those who attended her tuition would know what she wanted for the exam while those who didnt, well, they would fail. Plus, she had a paper filled with set answers which she would use to mark d' paper with! Damnit man!! all those not-so-subtle threats! and oh yeah, we had to keep it quiet! i was so damn angry! A lot of us were. Really really wanted to report her! but heck, this is where all ur sense of juctice starts fighting with selfishness... u see, if we report, we'd all most likely fail (revenge on her part) and the most UCSI would do would be to take disiplinary action or mayb fire her but then again, how r they gonna find a replacement in such short notice? now, if we didnt report, it wouldnt be fair to d' students who didnt attend her tuition and we'd b indirectly encouraging her to fail d' next batch juz to earn some side income. And not juz some meager sum k!! about 80 of us are taking d' supplementary so lets see... assuming every1 takes her tuition, she's gonna earn like, RM9600 in juz 2 days!!! heck, d'you think she'd pass a chance of earning that repeatedly for d' next few sems? arghh!! fucking lecturer!!
Anyway, on to the better surprises.... i did pretty well on Uni chem 2 and scraped thru calculus! :) i so thought calculus was doomed k... hahaha... thank God k.... :)

Arghh!! i wanna go back 2 penang!!! missin' so damn many things this week k!!! :'( 1st off... huiann was back frm singapore for a short while n' so every1 hung out on fri... then on sat, there was sum kinda reunion wif sum of my fellow classmates whom i havent met up wif for a long long time... n' today... all my disted-mates are goin out 2 celebrate Beng's birthday!! n' not to mention... 'the devil wears prada' is already out n' there's definately no way of me watchin' it here =( *sobz* im missin' everythin!! :'( ahh ok ok... quit d' drama... but still.... *sigh* its ok la... at least i've got 2 mths holz at end yr 2 look 4ward to... n' gotta make sure its filled full to d' brim wif lotsa good memories 2 carry me thru d' year =) heheh...
oh wait! news flash... only 3 ppl made it for d' reunion... well... at least i dun feel so bad d ;) heheh... *appologies 2 d' person who organised it yea.. i noe ur a lil' disappointed but i cant help feelin' less left out...*