Sunday, November 30, 2008

Pointless ramblings

Restless. So freaking restless.

Fingers are itching, body tensed from pent-up energy, knots happily bouncing about in the stomach. Unease courses through the veins, confusion through the arteries, both meeting at the heart, causing an unexplainable murmur? I think my facts are all wrong. Where are the doctors when you need one? Pharmacists? Biomeds? And biotechs that actually study? Lol.

There's this urge to blog. About what I don't know.



So many things to be said, so many that can't be said.

It's like treading on thin ice. Gotta becareful of it'll break and you'll fall. Fall into ice cold water. So cold that it first shocks you awake, then as you struggle about, overcomes you, saps your strength away, till relishing the numbness, you slowly surrender.

Confusing? Ought to be. I'm confused after all.

And thus, this absolutely pointless post. Don't mind me. Scoob will be back soon. Hopefully.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Retroviruses acting up

Currently listening to:

It's happening again.

My palms are sweaty, my head gets blurry, and I can't think properly. My senses are on the alert, adrenaline is pumping. I can't stop checking back. Can't stop being so aware of every move made. There's this lump in my throat, tingles down my neck. I can't take it no more. Someone please slap me! Throw cold water on me! Anything to break me out of this ridiculous trance I'm in! Thank God there's no disruption of oxygen or obstruction of blood flow yet. Nor that stupid smile when going in for the kill. Am taking it as a good sign lol. Maybe it hasn't set in yet. I certainly hope so. Life is good the way it is! I don't want any more complications!

And no, it's not denial, WT. At least I hope it's not. Please let it be not. Lol.

Coloured a picture of Shizuru to refocus my thoughts. Not my best efforts as I got a lil' distracted somewhere in between. Drawing is not mine. Dug it out somewhere from my massive collection and coloured with CS2.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Think that life hates you? Read on. And if it's not enough, read Mel's blog

So yeah, disappeared for a bit there. Too much stuff to be dealt with for the past few weeks. Too much of a rollercoaster ride. So many highs and lows, all mercilessly one after another. First came the worrying news from home. Then, pushing it aside, a great Halloween, followed by devastating news from home the very next morning. It left me in shock. I couldn't even call home for fear of breaking down. When I did the next day, they told me she had passed on. Was such a wreck but had to pull myself together as there was an assignment due that week.

RIP, I just want you to know that although I don't show it often nor do I ever say it, I really do love you very much. They told me you left peacefully and for that I'm glad. I know you're in a better place now. No more suffering, only peace and joy. It still pains me that I couldn't be there during your last moments, and that I never really got to say goodbye. Tears still feel inclined to fall whenever I think of you, or even when I see things that remind me of you. In fact, they're falling even as I type this. But I know I have to be strong and move on. That's what you'd want me to do. And I will. I will. It'll take time, but I will.

Things got slightly better form then on. On the eve of my birthday, my friends cooked dinner plus surprised me with a cake. Felt really touched and happy. And so I turned 21.

Then came more wonderful news from home. My sister had been admitted into the hospital for ultraventilation a few days ago, couldn't eat, and was therefore on drip. Mum was exhausted spending every day and night with her, and dad had to play househusband as my bro couldn't help out due to SPM. I was so worried. Bad spell of misfortune? I don't know. Could only pray and surrender everything to Him as all things happen for a reason. I truly believe in that. There has been so many incidences where things have gone horribly wrong for me, and yet, He always showed a way. I've come to realize that in each, there was a lesson learnt, something to make me stronger. To make me a better person. Each time, I'm reminded of His awesome power, mercy and grace. And I know that I'll never be alone as He'll always be there to carry me through hard times...

Anyway, my sister has since been discharged, although still weak and can't eat much. At least she's on her way to recovery and that's all that matters. As for me, passing up the two lab reports that were due that same week was such a relief. Now I finally have some time to breathe and allow myself to focus on the family. And oh, not forgetting little amusements along the way like watching "La Boheme" the musical on Fri, and having a combined birthday dinner with Ranz in Newcastle.

p.s. Winnie! I've received your card! Thank you so much k! :D I opened it in the kitchen, read the first line, and quickly closed back, deciding to read it in the room lol. Me iz loves yous! ;)